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[Cope
and Marsh enter the auditorium from the rear.
As they approach the stage, Marsh notices the slide of the elasmosaurus
on the screen. A podium stands
downstage left; a small table and chalkboard stand behind and to stage right of
the podium. A large table with
Cope's books and notes stands downstage right. ]
MARSH:
[loudly, to attract attention] Ah,
Cope, here it is! They've made a
magic lantern slide of your Elasmosaurus and here it is, for all to see!
Perhaps you recall that embarrassing day when you announced to the world
that this ancient sea creature had a tremendously long tail -- making it
the most remarkable animal that ever lived!
COPE:
At least, Marsh, I don't publish lies in the newspapers.
You've been stealing credit for my fossils since 1868!
MARSH:
Really, Cope. You're much too excitable.
I don't think it's good for your health. I worry about the state of your sanity.
COPE:
How thoughtful of you. After
embarrassing me in front of Dr. Leidy with this skeleton, and then bringing it
up again in front of all these good people --
MARSH:
I'm so sorry if you were embarrassed.
But really you are far too thin-skinned...
COPE:
[interrupting] Thin-skinned! By
heaven, you should be fired from your teaching job at Yale University!
The job your uncle George bought for you -- eh Marsh?)
MARSH:
Calm yourself, Cope. Really,
we're in a public place. There are
ladies present. We should behave
ourselves in a more civilized manner.
COPE:
Very well then, Marsh. I
certainly wouldn't want to upset my distinguished friends at the Academy.
MARSH:
Good, then we'll finish this later.
COPE:
Why wait? Let's finish it
right now. There's a podium on the
stage, and we have an interested audience right here!
[climbs stairs to stage] Ladies
and gentlemen, Mr. Marsh and I will explain to you what our quarrel is --and
we'll give you a chance to make your own decisions!
MARSH:
What? What's that?
A duel of wits? Very well
then, Mr. Cope, I accept your challenge! [steps
behind podium]
Ladies and
gentlemen of the Academy of Natural Sciences, good afternoon.
My name is O.C. Marsh, and my colleague here is Edward Drinker Cope.
Mr. Cope and I are -- I mean, were -- both paleontologists.
I am a professor at Yale University, and he is a member of the Academy of
Natural Sciences. We came all the way from 1878 to visit the Academy's exhibit,
"The Dig."
I am sorry that
you were forced to witness the outburst of my friend Mr. Cope.
I can assure you that paleontology, at least in my day, was carried on by
most people with a certain decorum.
For example when I announced my discoveries of new dino --
COPE: Excuse me, Mr. Marsh.
Since we invited these people here to discuss our quarrel about the
elasmosaurus, I think we might dispense with the talk and get down to brass
tacks.
[To the
audience] You've certainly come a
long way with the magic lantern since the 1800's...
[picks up the laser pointer] Now
I'd like to -- What the devil is this? [plays
with it, pointing it at Marsh, etc.] Wonderful!
[points to
Elasmosaurus]
Now,
this animal's name is Elasmosaurus. How
many of you saw it out in the lobby today?
[wait for response] It was
found in Kansas, and sent to me for identification.
Now, what do you think? Is
this a dinosaur? [wait for
response] Well, it is not a
dinosaur at all, but an ancient sea creature.
Here's a drawing I made of the animal as it might have appeared in life.
[slide of
Cope's drawing appears; Marsh smirks]
MARSH:
[Shoving Cope aside] Very
nice, Cope, but hardly scientific. Could
I have my first slide, please? [slide
of vertebrae in Dino Hall case] This
very interesting spine is now on exhibit in the Academy's Dinosaur Hall. As you can see [play with the laser pointer; attempts to use
it, gives up and picks up an ordinary wooden pointer.] the vertebrae point
clearly in one direction: toward the neck.
To help you
grasp this obvious fact, I've brought along an example of a vertebra.
Perhaps an audience member would like to come up and take a look.
[chooses an audience member, shows him/her the vertebra; preps him/her to
point to the correct end of the slide]
Now, this young
person is not a paleontologist. But
I'd be willing to wager that he/she can tell which end the head goes on.
Sir/Madam, on which end would you place the head of this animal?
[volunteer points] Ah ha!
There, you see Mr. Cope? It
doesn't take an expert to tell which end is which! [sends volunteer back to
audience]
Now, when I
visited Professor Cope here at the Academy in 1868, he had arranged his Kansas
Elasmosaurus with the head at this end (points): the wrong end.
When I gently suggested that he had the whole thing backwards, he stated
in strong language that he had studied the animal for months and ought to know
one end from the other. It seems he
did not! For Dr. Leidy, one of the
most important paleontologists in America, agreed with me.
I am afraid
that poor Professor Cope's vanity received such a shock that it has never
recovered -- and he has been my bitter enemy ever since.
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